My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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