He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
