I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
