Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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