Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
