I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dick very happy bro
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
