So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you traded sex for a burrito?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
