If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
