If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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