If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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