My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
