You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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