She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just pee around me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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