yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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