Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
