You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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