If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize