conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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