I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
