I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
