things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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