one two three fourrrrnication!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
