I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
