mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
