Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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