If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
