Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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