nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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