Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
