Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
