if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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