Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
