my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
