I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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