I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
