Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
