I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
