you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
