You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
