I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
