That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
