Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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