just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
