Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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