now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
