i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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