My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
