Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
