Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
