He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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