i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
