That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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