Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
