sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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