Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
