I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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