When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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