He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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