just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have aggressive nipples.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
