who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
