I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
