Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
