I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
