I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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