So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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