bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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