Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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