I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish you could order shots online.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
