just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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