im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
