Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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