does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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